One Month Old!

(sung to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas")

In his first month of life, our son gave to us:

12 daily feedings,
11 times he's peed on me,
10 daily diapers
9 ounces gained,
8 Harts a-visiting,
7 Dinners on our church,
6 Allens a-Barn-ing,
5 consecutive hours of sleep (once),
4 pediatrician visits (that works if you sing it really quickly),
3 midnight feedings (daily)
2 hours of sleep at a time.
and his first outfit that he out-grew!

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, our son is ONE MONTH OLD TODAY! He is weighing in at 9 pounds 6 ounces, and has finally outgrown one of his outfits. Also fitting into the "new" category: he gave me my first smile today, he took his first hike yesterday, he threw up in my wife's hair for the first time today, he finally has a normal bellybutton, and he peed through his diaper into my wife's lap about 3 hours ago ("Typically, Rob, when I clean off the - WOAH I just got really warm!").

Also new to this month is the evolution of our 'baby-talk'. No, this isn't the fake baby-talk you see in the movies, where you can only start words with A, B, D, E, I, and W ("Awwww, wook at da wittle baby boy, Ee is doo wonderfuw! I wiwl wuv 'im and wuv 'im wo-evew!!!" ). No, the real form of baby-talk has us talking to our child, followed immediately by us voicing his response as though we are him. It's amazing, the conversations we have:

"Oh, you don't look so happy, David!"
"You wouldn't either, if you knew what was in my pants."
"Do you need a diaper change?"
"Does Daddy have enough electronics?"
"OK, David, I'm going to set you down. Here comes the fun part."
"You mean the part where I pee on you?"
"Wow, you really did leave me a present!"
"If this is your idea of a present, I'd hate you see your birthday parties."
"There, isn't that all better?"
"If you touch me with those wipes one more time..."
"NO! Don't pee on me!!! Heather!!! Guess what your son just did."

So the first month of parenthood has come and gone, and Heather and I are still in one piece. And while our son has not learned to sleep through the night, he can't sleep-walk either, so I'll call that even.

Stay tuned, because we have much more coming in the second half of the show, including special guest "I. P. Always" and music from the rock group "Everexcrement."














Feast your eyes on my new favorite picture.